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Enjoying the Unexpected

Monday, May 22, 2006

posted by amy

I have to admit … I'm the giggly happy girl day-dreaming today. 🙂

I had a second date last night.   And my … what a second date it was.  A long walk along the beach, watching the sunset, holding hands, styrofoam cups of coffee finished off by a romantic Indian dinner for two.

It has been all the more fantastic for being unexpected.  I didn't think I would like the fellow at all.  We'd been chatting online for about a month, and when we talked on the phone for the first time last weekend we annoyed one another.  I thought he was arrogant; he thought I was rude.  I was ready to throw the towel in and not meet up, but he thought we should give it a go.  We had been chatting for so long, after all.

Thank goodness for that.

Sometimes the unexpected creates the most beautiful results.  I hadn't been expecting much from him; he hadn't been expecting much from me.  And as a result, what we found was something better than either of our expectations.  A connection.  A shared sense of humor.  Pleasure in one another's company.

I believe that one of the reasons that unexpected encounters yield such wonderful relationships is precisely because we have no expectations.  Neither of us has to live up to anything.  I accept him as he is; he accepts me as I am.  There's no pressure to be perfect or to not slip up.

When there are no expectations, we can simply be ourselves around one another.  We have the choice to like one another as we are or leave without guilt.  He doesn't have to like me any more than I have to like him.

And in this magical climate of no expectations, no pressure, and no pretending to be any better a person than we actually were, we looked at each other and liked what we saw.

Isn't that fantastic?

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11 Comments

135

Comment by LorraineR

May 22, 2006 @ 8:02 pm

Yes, it is fantastic. Amy, you sound like a beautiful, sincere, lovely woman and I think you deserve all the happiness you get because you give so much of yourself to all of us at this site and on the forum. You have helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you and I hope there are many more wonderful dates to follow.
ENJOY!!

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Comment by amy

May 23, 2006 @ 9:04 am

Thank you, Lorraine! 🙂

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Comment by Ella

May 24, 2006 @ 2:15 am

Wish you all the best Amy and pray it’s result into a friutful relationship

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Comment by Monica

May 24, 2006 @ 4:48 am

Somehow i feel hopeful again 🙂 Sometimes it does seem like its never going to happen, like you will never meet someone nice and real.And i strongly agree that we usually meet someone great when we least expect it.
If i recall, most of the guys i had amazing relationships i met not expecting to. It meant i wasnt at the club all dolled, or the bar, i was just walking home from work, standing at the bus stop, or bumping into them at the work restaurant. And i believe the relationships were beautiful because i was not prepared to please someone, i was just being me 🙂
Good Luck Amy and please write and tell us the progression :)and more of the lessons you are learning 🙂

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Comment by Tiniko

May 24, 2006 @ 5:21 pm

Hi Amy, I totally agree with u, this is the real pleasure to find the one, the real there where u have never looked for…and of course when the discovery is mutual, it is the best blessing on earth…I am experiencing this already for a year…I admire this feeling tooooooo….Wish u all the best with your discovery:)..

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Comment by Clandestine

May 30, 2006 @ 4:16 am

keep us posted, give us an update if you and yout guy ends up together in a wonderful relationship =)

267

Comment by Luzaan

June 6, 2006 @ 6:33 pm

In a way you were “looking” for a relationship. It did not just “happen” because you were on the Internet. I’ve tried it too, made a good friend, but unfortunately there is absolutely no chemistry. Anyway, is it correct to say that it was unexpected? Or, to comment on another post, if you are on the Internet, can you really say that you found someone by accident and when you are not really looking? Therefore, if the general way to find a man is to not look and just wait for it to happen, is it wrong to try online dating, and should I just totally forget about relationships until someone “finds” me. If I do this, won’t it seem that I don’t want someone, that I’m totally happy with the status quo?

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Comment by amy

June 13, 2006 @ 12:16 pm

For me, “not looking” is a state of mind. When you’re looking for something, you have expectations. You want something to happen. When you’re “not looking,” you do what feels good, what you want to do at that moment, and you don’t really care if you get results or not.

The really funny thing is that the DAY BEFORE I met this guy, I had decided to take off my online profile and stop actively dating. I even wrote about it on SeductionGenieLive.com in a post called “Giving Up.” I had to meet this guy anyway, because I’d already agreed to, and then, I promised myself, I was done with dating for a while. It was time for some ME time.

So how did THAT happen?

I can promise you: MAGIC happens when you stop looking for results and instead do what you do simply for the pleasure of doing it! If you’re online dating, do it for the fun of it rather than because you have an expectation attached to the outcome. You’re not “looking” – you’re meeting new people, socializing, and having a good time!

Do things because YOU want to do them for YOURSELF … not because something has to happen as a result.

If you can master that perspective, you’ll be amazed at what will start happening!

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Comment by Debbie Cole

June 14, 2006 @ 8:28 pm

Even when we’re ‘not looking’ we’re really looking. We convince ourselves we aren’t looking just to try and make the person we’re dating now seem more special.

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Comment by Crystal

June 17, 2006 @ 12:20 pm

Dear Amy,

Nice to read about your non expectant perspective. It is so truth that if we do not expect “perfection” from a man, relationships will be much enjoyable,esp. that we women do not really understand the male ego. They can be be a fiery fires at times and can be icy cold the next moment or going through withdrawal.I really do not know what to do when my boyfriend stops
calling me Sweetie or sweetheart and kissing me goodnight.

394

Comment by Suzanne

June 21, 2006 @ 8:43 am

My boyfriend is amazing. I’ve come so close to breaking up with him a few times because I compare him to tv, the movies, and what my mother and father taught me about the way a man ‘should be’, regarding him taking care of me financially. He’s not a millionaire, but he’s very educated and will get more educated with a biomedical doctorate degree. He is so kind and sweet…I don’t think he has any enemies. He’s younger than me (by a decade), but is so emotionally mature it’s soothing to me. Although I believe we have to protect ourselves from the horrible people out there, so it’s somewhat good to have a backdrop on what is good and bad (like abuse is bad). But I also have to remind myself that tv and movies aren’t real and my mom and father hated eachother and essentially stayed single after the divorce when I was a kid—-not able to have a successful relationship with anyone. There’s a fine line between reality and what’s we are ‘expecting’ in life.

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