While in Christchurch, New Zealand recently (it’s "sweet as" to all you Kiwis), I read a funny article in The Press. Just the title alone caught my attention: "If you dump a woman she hates you, OK?" So you knew I had to read on…
Well, this interesting article, by Barbara Ellen, explains in a light but serious-enough tone the hurt that women go through when a man breaks up with them. "If you dump a woman," Ellen writes, "however sweet she appears to be about it, she hates you [emphasis added]–do you get that? You have rejected her, probably completely wasted her time, and you want to remain ‘friends’? Fine, so long as you don’t mind having ‘friends’ who would happily knit jumpers with your intestines." Funny, but frighteningly true.
Yes, for men, breaking up with women is no walk in the park. Many times we wait ages to execute the deed we’ve wanted to do for weeks, months, even years. We start to feel guilty, start to wonder if we really can get another girl, and most of all, start to fear that this girl could be some crazy psycho out to stalk and murder us!
My brother went through an episode like that–the girl he "broke up with" (it was really just more of a fling) didn’t go to bed, paced in his hallway all night, and kept him awake out of the very real fear that she could murder him in his sleep! When women are dumped, it doesn’t matter how nice you may have been about it: all THEY see is the bad! They go into freak mode, and there’s no stopping that. As Ellen writes,
"Female dumpees are usually too busy in the aftermath of a dumping to sit down and think rationally about whether a man has been nice or not. They have to get on with the really important stuff (slashing tyres, burning down houses, eventually getting arrested). It’s a nightmare;there’s just so much to do."
A lighthearted commentary on a very serious issue. What should we men do when we no longer feel love (or horniness) in our heart for a woman?
Well, as it turns out, there’s actually a company in Germany called Separation Services (I’m sure the German words for it are about 157 letters long) that has made a business out of doing the dumping for US! This is no joke: The company is run by a guy nicknamed "Terminator" (if only this were run out of Austria!) "who, for a small fee, will do your dumping for you, offering a range of services from ‘sensitive phone call’ to ‘personalized house visit’ (the deluxe package featuring a ‘detailed explanation’ about why they are getting dumped)."
Is this really how bad the dumping scene has gotten? Do we actually need men named Terminator to do the dumping for us? I mean, I never enjoyed dumping girls either, but I can’t see someone ELSE doing it for me!
There’s a right way and a wrong way to breaking up with a girl, and I don’t see how hiring a guy named after an Arnold Schwarzenegger character could be listed in the "Right" category.
On top of that, I disagree with what Ellen says about remaining friends; just because you break up with a girl does not automatically mean that her idea of being friends is stalking you and vandalizing your property. I’ve had more than a few breakups, but I’m actually still friends with most of the girls I broke up with. Sure, this was hurt, there was anger, there were long periods of not talking to one another.
But you know what? I did the breakup with RESPECT and HONESTY, and when you do that, it’s only a matter of time til women see that, in fact, you WERE being nice about it. Sometimes they even thank you for it, seeing that you weren’t the right man for them and opened the door for a better one. The same, of course, applies to us men.
There’s actually GROWTH in dating; sometimes, all it takes is a breakup for someone to wake up and realize that they don’t need someone to find true happiness. A breakup can lead to bigger and better things, and better people. When people are honest with each other and with themselves, a break-up doesn’t have to lead to revenge or calling up a German dating termination service. Instead, it becomes an opportunity, a liberation, a fresh start.
As Ellen admits,
"It’s never pretty, but men should remember that if they dump well (kindly and with grace), it could be possible that, just a few tears and death threats later (perhaps a touch of light stalking), most women will be able to move on and rediscover the joys of single life."
Well put…but light stalking and death threats don’t have to occur. Sometimes, a man and a woman can even put past differences and hurts aside enough to make up and start their relationship anew. I know a few couples who have done this, and it’s led to beautiful, blissful relationships.
So, what’s the BEST way to determine if you should make up…or break up?
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