Listening Skills
April 19th, 2024
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James: Welcome back to the How to Be Irresistible to Women newsletter series, your source for tips and techniques to make you irresistible to women. I’m James, and I’m irresistible to women. Now it’s your turn! So let me tell you about this guy I know, Vlad. Vlad doesn’t talk much, he just listens. If you want to pour your guts out to someone, he’s your man. Vlad has a sister who’s always got boy troubles, and do you know who the first person is that she goes to for advice? Vlad. It’s not even that he says much to her; it’s just that he listens, and because he hears her out so well, no matter how anxious, frenetic, whatever she might be, she loves him for it. So do other girls. This man’s always got a hot girlfriend, and it’s no surprise: Vlad knows how to listen. So let’s talk about Vlad with my co-host, 000relationships.com female expert, Amy Waterman. Looks like you had a long night, Amy? Amy: I wished I was doing that, but, no, I don’t think it was that kind of hard night. Just getting ready for a long trip overseas. James: A long trip overseas, where might this trip be going? Amy: South America . I wanted a place that’s hot and beaches and relaxing and as far away from work as possible. James: So you’re going to be enjoying the local flavor over there? Amy: Those Latino men, definitely. James: Excellent. So, Amy, tell our listeners more about why Vlad’s listening skills make him such a great catch. Amy: Because we girls love to talk. A guy that I could just talk to and talk to and talk to? Poor fellow! But aside from that, there’s nothing a woman likes more than to be heard, and one of the big problems in long-term relationships is the woman ends up feeling that the guy doesn’t listen to her anymore. And you know what? He’s probably not listening. So if you can fake listening, it’s almost as good as really listening. James: If you’ve ever heard some of Chris Rock’s comedy, you know that women don’t want you just to listen. They want you to listen listen. You know you’ve just got to do everything you can, even if it’s completely fake. You just have to throw yourself into it. Conversation is, indeed, a two-way street. Sometimes you just have to stay on one side of the street to get what you want. If you want to get anywhere with girls, especially in a relationship, you have to be prepared to sit on the other side of the street and listen. Now it’s easy to think that all girls want is a great guy who can just talk, talk, talk. It’s all you seem to see when you’re at a bar, alpha male jocks talking their heads off to blond bimbos. But that doesn’t mean that kind of behavior actually works. Amy, why don’t you tell our listeners what happens when all you do is talk and never listen? Amy: Well, I love to talk and never listen. What are you saying, James? James: But you know it’s a double standard for guys… Amy: It is. We are horrible women, aren’t we? When a guy is talking a lot, I’m sitting there, I’m being polite, I’m asking polite questions, I’m pretending to be interested in him, but really all I want to do is talk about myself. I know it makes me sound sort of terrible, but, to be honest, when you’re the one talking - and I know men worry about this - you could say something stupid. Guess what the best way of avoiding saying something stupid is? It’s by being the one who’s listening. And by listening, she thinks you’re the man who understands her better that any other man has understood her before, so you’re creating this connection, this bond, simply by shutting up and lending an ear. This is active listening, by the way. It’s not just sort of grunting and nodding. It’s asking questions. It’s being engaged. James: I think probably what our listeners are thinking now is, “Well, fine, I’ll listen, but I don’t want to just listen.” There has to be a balance between listening a lot to your women but also throwing in some interesting conversation. So what ways can you recommend to our listeners to not just be listening, nodding your head all the time, but interjecting once in a while? Amy: One of the good things to think about is pacing. If you’ve been talking for five minutes straight and she’s starting glazing off, you know it’s too much. My recommendation is, say, when you’re talking, when you have something to explain, try to get it across in a couple minutes or less. So make your points brief, and that way, instead of explaining everything, you give her a chance to ask you questions. You leave her wanting more. You leave her lingering. So simply by timing yourself and saying, “Okay, I’m just going to stop and see what she has to say now,” you create a back-and-forth rapport. James: You heard it, guys. Just keep it short and simple. Know what you want to say and just say it, then be willing to yield back a little bit. What are some good ways to make a girl know you’re interested and get her interested in you? Amy, I know you’ll agree with me on this one: first, you have to give a girl your undivided attention. Amy: Part of it is … I’ve heard people talk in the past about being present. And what it means is, when you are with a woman, you’re not worrying about something; you’re not thinking, “Does she like me?” You’re not thinking anything. All you are is, you are with her. You’re not thinking. If you can master that - being present with a woman - she will feel it. James: Goes back to the old ABC: Always Be in Control. Just don’t think; just be. So, Amy, let’s hear some other great methods for better listening. What sort of ways can men show that they’re actively listening? Amy: One of my favorite ones is simply by leaning forward. I’ve seen so many guys who will cross their arms and sort of stand back and, maybe, as she’s talking, they’ll even look around the room, because they can do this with their buddies. Their buddies know that the guy is still listening even if he’s not paying attention. Not with girls. With girls, you want to be leaning forward; you want to be making facial expressions, but not staring at her. Look down at the bar and act like you’re really thinking. Then glance back and catch her eye. Then, if you really want to take it to the next level - guys do this to me - just let your gaze linger and wander down to her lips as she’s talking and back up to her eyes again. That just makes me go weak-kneed. James: Very sensuous. I think one of the other methods you’ve talked about is actually asking a woman questions, saying, “Really? Wow,” that sort of thing. Amy: More than, “Really? Wow.” More like, “You said that you’d gone to this place in the past. Now, what time did you do that?” So you’re actually picking up on something she said and getting more information. One of the great ways - we women use this on men as well - is to remember your conversations. Then, a little while - a couple hours - later, say, “You know back two hours ago when you were saying X?” She thinks, “He remembers!” It’s fantastic. James: You can’t get much better than that. So, you’ve heard Amy, the crusty queen, and I speak about how better listening can make you more irresistible to women. You have to give all girls - whether they’re someone at the bar, your girlfriend, or especially your wife - your undivided attention, then use the great methods we just told you to show her that you’re interested in what she has to say, that you’ve actually listened and remembered what she has to say. This will enrich your relationship and make you more irresistible. Now that’s a winner’s game. This concludes today’s edition of 000relationships.com’s exclusive newsletter series. For more information about me, James, visit my website 000relationships.com/towomen. Triple O Relationships. Now it’s your turn!
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