How to Attract and Seduce Women

How to Find Love and Keep It

From James:

How to Be Irresistible to Women WebcastWhat's up? Thanks for joining me. In today's edition, exclusive to members and newsletter subscribers of, I teach you about how to determine who's right for you, how to find love, and how to keep her. You'll learn valuable tips on how to use body language, tone of voice, and enthusiasm to capture a girl's heart, and maintain an exciting relationship. You also find out what you SHOULDN'T do if you want to hold onto your girlfriend.

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Take the Short Cut! Transcript of Today's Lesson


A famous saying goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

One thing I've realized: If you're not happy with what you've got, nothing matters.  You can be bagging girls every night.  You can have an awesome girlfriend.  Hell, you can be married.  But if you're always looking over the fence, searching for someone else, what you have doesn't mean a thing. 

Ask the relationship experts.  One thing they all say is, Know what you want.  And when you have it, don’t let it go!  It takes a lot less time to lose something valuable, than to gain it.

The people who have great relationships, great marriages, even great WEALTH, all have one thing in common: They know a good thing when they see it.  That's why today's lesson is called "Seeing the Difference: Spotting, and Keeping, A Good Thing."  I'm going to show YOU how to recognize a keeper--and keep that keeper, too!

Our lesson will cover three areas that WORK for finding and holding on to the girl of your dreams.

  1. Determining Who's Right For You
  2. Finding Her, and
  3. Keeping Her

So in my previous lessons, I've talked about how knowing your LIFE PURPOSE will help you decide who's right for you.  If you know what moves you--whether it's surfing, travelling, sailing, whatever--then the rest will fall into place.  You're more likely to find the right job, right hobbies, right friends to help you meet the girl of your dreams.

But it doesn't stop there.  You have to know yourself inside out.  That means you have to recognise your moods and your emotions.  What turns you on, what turns you off. And, most importantly, you have to be patient. Chances are, the first girl you date isn’t going to be “the one” for you. You might go through some bad relationships, and that’s okay. Patience is a virtue. Don’t ever jump full-on into a relationship if you don’t even know what you want. As relationship expert Dr. Harville A. Hendrix writes, “The irony is that nearly 50 percent of those who marry before they unpack and examine their childhood baggage, before they get some relationship training, are all but doomed to rejoin the ranks of the single via the hard way—via divorce.“ So figure out what works, before it fails!

Let’s continue talking about the importance of PATIENCE. Do you know which type of people tend to be single the most? Those who expect a flawless mate and move on when the person isn’t perfect? Or those who are patient, open, and willing to admit when they’ve made a mistake with a relationship? The answer’s pretty easy. As Dr. Hendrix writes, “What they don’t understand is that nothing will change until they change. They won’t meet a healthier, more mature lover until THEY are healthier and more mature, until they’ve done their homework and preparation.” It’s what relationship experts agree on: You get what you give. If you’re not willing to change yourself, no one’s going to be willing to change for you.

So be honest with yourself, learn from your mistakes, and don’t repeat the same mistake twice!

Great.  So we've talked a bit about determining who you are inside.  Now let's see how that will help you on the outside.

In previous lessons we've talked about the importance of CONTROL and EXPECTATIONS.  Some of you may be hungry for a great relationship.  You may even want a wife.  But just like a desperate girl will scare off guys, so it goes with us poor guys.  Believe me, women sense desperation--even better than we men do.  So first you have to control how you present yourself to others.  It goes to an old psychological principle called PROJECTION.  Even if you're feeling desperation, you can't project it.  You have to project confidence and nonchalance.  The less you care about girls, the more likely *they'll* care about you! 

So think about what you want to project onto people.  This includes the way your body is aligned.  You can read book after book about the importance of body language.  Did you know that “the verbal component of a face-to-face conversation is less than 35 percent and that over 65 percent of communication is done NON-verbally?” That figure can be even higher when talking with someone. So trust me, it’s important!

Let’s analyze the kinds of signals you’re sending. Do you always cross your arms and legs, lean over the table anxiously, and face your head down?  If so, it's time to stop.  These gestures project a closed body, and a closed mind.  They also convey uncertainty, something you DEFINITELY don't want to project. 

Instead, try to practice OPEN body language: relax in your chair, have your arms at your side or behind your chair, and open up your legs.  This all conveys OPENNESS, and invitation.  Girls are very skilled at reading into men's "hidden" signs.  These signs aren’t hidden to them!  So remember that every little gesture, every little movement you make, MEANS something to a girl.  If your body doesn't speak properly, then your mouth won't get a chance.

For more information, I highly recommend you read Allan Pease’s bestselling book, Body Language: How to Read Others’ Thoughts By Their Gestures. You can learn not only how to improve the signals you send, but also how to recognize the signals WOMEN send. THAT’S a winner’s game!

So we've talked about the importance of proper body language.  Now let's talk about the language we speak--or rather, HOW we speak it.  Think about how important tone is.  Do you want to speak in a low, quiet, nervous voice?  What do you think that projects?  Certainly not confidence.  But of course, you don't want to project an angry, arrogant person either.  So a loud, overconfident, bragging voice ain't gonna cut it either.  The kind of tone you project should reflect positive qualities about you.  If you speak in a calm, relaxed, energetic tone, girls will read that as the way you are.  Definitely a benefit.  A great way to speak is in a somewhat slow, confidential tone.  The “Bond” voice, as I call it. It’s as if the girl you're talking to is the only one in the know about what you're doing.  Believe me, girls will love it.  They love the feeling of secrecy and being in on something.  It projects a guy who's exclusive, who's daring.  Definitely good traits to project.

But of course, you want to be true to yourself.  So if you're not at all the James Bond type, don't worry.  Don't be someone you're not; you'll project fakeness and lack of confidence in who you are.  NOT good things.  So if you're more of a Jim Carrey type, full of energy, show that.  Be enthusiastic, be happy.  Talk with an excitement in your voice.  The whole point is, you should project your good qualities.  If your'e a funny guy, talk in a joking voice.  If you're Mr. Travel, talk in a passionate, you-hadda-be-there tone.  It's all about projecting your best qualities.  That'll help YOU get who YOU want.   

I've talked about determining who you want, and how to project yourself to who you want.  Now what do you do if you've found someone you love?  How do you keep her?  How do you even know if she's right for you?  Obviously, this is a topic that could be discussed at length for weeks, let alone in one lesson. But just as important as seeing what will help you keep her, is looking at what will STOP you from keeping her. Let’s look at some of these mistakes:

  • Being too needy. Sure, some girls love to baby their man, but this exposes something lacking in them, as well. You should be able to take care of each other equally, not have one person be the parent and one person be the child.
  • Being negotiators. This happens too often in relationships. One partner will give the other partner love or attention in return for allowing them to do something, like having more time to watch sports. The relationship is no longer about love, but about negotiation. Unconditional love means you give love with no conditions!
  • Not trusting each other. As I say in “Growth Through Dating”, honesty is the cornerstone of a good relationship. Once you stop trusting each other, your relationship won’t last without serious change. And speaking of change…
  • Not changing. This is without doubt one of the worst mistakes you can make. An open relationship involves challenging each other, making each other a better person. As relationship experts Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend write, “Dating can heal and repair…People benefit from good relationships where they learn, are healed, grow, and are stretched, even when the relationship does not lead to marriage. It has value in a person’s life.” So, with that said, you should treat relationships, even bad ones, as OPPORTUNITIES, not just as a pairing of two people. They’re an opportunity to better yourself, and in the process, better the person you love. One of the definitions of love is doing something for a person not because you have to, but because you WANT to. It’s not easy sacrificing things you hold dear for someone else, but in the process of doing so, you’ll get more love in return.

But by not changing, you’re basically saying you’re not willing to grow as a person. And that will definitely reduce your partner’s love for you. You’re basically saying that she doesn’t matter, that you only want to do what YOU want to do. No change allowed. In the process, you’re bound to lose her. Sometimes for good.

While sometimes that may sound good, especially if you’re in a rotten relationship, there’s another side to the saying, “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” You may leave your girl to be with someone else. But chances are, the grass was a lot better on the first side of the fence. And now there’s no going back. Love lost is a horrible feeling.

So be open to change. It‘s a good thing!

This concludes today’s edition of’s exclusive newsletter series. For more information about me, James, visit my website,

Triple O Relationships. Now it’s your turn!


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