{"id":32,"date":"2006-09-12T11:00:59","date_gmt":"2006-09-11T23:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/2006\/09\/12\/stand-by-your-woman\/"},"modified":"2006-10-27T09:50:07","modified_gmt":"2006-10-26T21:50:07","slug":"advice-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/2006\/09\/12\/advice-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Stand By Your Woman"},"content":{"rendered":"
"The world is full of suffering.  It is also full of the overcoming of it."<\/em><\/pre>\n
-Helen Keller <\/pre>\n
What did we learn from 9\/11?  That no one is safe from terrorism?  That the human heart is capable of everything from sick, hateful violence to brave, loving care?  That New Yorkers, when tragedy hits, aren’t such rude dirt bags after all?<\/p>\n
For me, the biggest lesson applies to us men in particular.  It’s about how important it is for us to be able to stand by our loved ones and provide a strong shoulder to lean on when the going gets rough.  You may not be a fireman, but that doesn’t mean you can’t save lives.  For while it may be too late to save the lives of the people who perished in that horrific attack 5 years ago, it’s never<\/em> too late to save the lives of people we care about TODAY: with our words, our actions, our sympathy, our presence.  In a way, we can all be heroes, if we just show enough love to those we care about.<\/p>\n
The person I cared about most at the time of 9\/11 was Veronica, my girlfriend of seven months.  She actually worked as a hostess in Windows on the World, the superb top-floor restaurant of the North Tower with unparalleled views stretching from Manhattan to The Bronx, from New Jersey to Long Island.  In fact, we had eaten at "WoW" together just two nights before the event that changed the world.  I had actually been campaigning for weeks to have dinner there on one of her rare days off, so it’s funny, and a bit frightening, that we made it there just in time.<\/p>\n
It also made the fact that the Towers fell all the more devastating.<\/p>\n
Like nothing else, losing the Towers devastated Veronica.  In an instant, she lost her workplace, her friends, her memories, her life. <\/em> Everything and everybody were all gone, never to be seen again.  No matter how hard she might have tried otherwise, her life was, indeed, changed forever.<\/p>\n
At a catastrophic moment like this, where do you see love?  All Veronica saw was hate.  And life without love is a very scary thing. <\/p>\n
Veronica was definitely scared at that time, and in the absence of the love that the Twin Towers represented to her, her heart was dealt a severe blow just as powerful as the fatal impact from the two planes.  She was severely depressed for months, and there was no escaping the gloom: The punctured skyline of The Big Apple reminded her daily that her friends, workplace, and old life would never return.  More and more she became a different person, one who weakened under the impact of the horrific loss.<\/p>\n
I remember being jealous of the firemen and policemen who got so much attention and honor for saving lives and rushing into certain death on that fateful day.  But when Veronica’s own heart fell like the Towers themselves, I knew the time had arrived for ME to be a hero of my own.  It was time for ME to show her the only thing that could heal her broken heart: love.<\/p>\n
While Veronica’s sadness didn’t magically go away, she was grateful that I was there to listen and understand the pain she went through.  I’d spend hours just talking and listening to her, and it got her through each day, albeit with difficulty.<\/p>\n
Finally I convinced her to take a break: she should go to her native Peru to get away from it all.  She quickly agreed that that was a good idea, and it was.<\/p>\n
I visited Ronnie down in Peru, and she really was a happier person.  Travelling all the way to South America was a good get-away for her, and one that brought the joy back to her scarred psyche.  We both had a good time down in Lima; it was a nice, remote break from a city that was still reeling from the attacks.  She was starting to see hope again.<\/p>\n
Then she came back to New York, and everything went back to the way it was before–only worse.<\/em><\/p>\n
Flying into JFK Airport, seeing the skyline in the distance without the Towers, was a swift reminder to Veronica that she couldn’t run away from her problems.  They were here to stay.  And realizing that was like yet another blow to her already fragile heart.  In the next few months, Ronnie went from depressed to suicidal.  She had already had some family problems and a nasty break-up before she met me, and nobody besides me seemed to have the time or the heart to listen to her problems.  Now she felt like life wasn’t worth living.  The attacks on New York and the U.S., were also an attack on her very existence.  She just couldn’t bear to go on.<\/p>\n
Once again I realized that if I were to be a hero, I<\/em> had to be strong to see Veronica survive.<\/p>\n
I wouldn’t let her quit on life.  By reminding her of her strengths, sharing my love, listening to her woes, and being there when she needed me (oftentimes at 3 or 4 in the morning!), I helped Veronica get back on her feet.  I showed her that there WAS life after 9\/11, that as horrific as it was, it was our job as strong citizens to bounce back.  We owed it to our nation, and we owed it to ourselves, to not let the terrorists win the battle to destroy our will.<\/p>\n
Change didn’t come overnight; in fact, it took more than a few months for Veronica to even enjoy going out again.  The first anniversary of 9\/11 was her biggest challenge, but she passed with flying colors; she didn’t return to her suicidal ways.  By seeing love and knowing someone was there who wanted to see her get through it all, Veronica became stronger.  Life after September 11, while sad, didn’t have to be a defeat; by bouncing back, it could be an inspiring victory.<\/p>\n
Now, after lots of healing and effort, Veronica’s back to her pre-9\/11 self.  Even though we broke up a couple years ago, we’re still good friends.  She’s a joy to be around, and even a joy to talk to over the phone and on the computer.  She credits me with saving her life, and that alone makes me want to ensure that she never falls again.<\/p>\n
In the end, Veronica’s path to life after 9\/11 taught me the biggest lesson of all.  Just because you weren’t a fireman or policeman rushing into the Twin Towers on that solemn date, doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero.  Go out, TODAY, and tell your brother, your sister, your parents, your girlfriend, your wife, your friends, how much you care about them.  Give them a shoulder to lean on.  Listen when they cry.  Stand by them.  You may just save a life…and that<\/em> makes you a hero.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
"The world is full of suffering. It is also full of the overcoming of it." -Helen Keller  What did we learn from 9\/11?  That no one is safe from terrorism?  That the human heart is capable of everything from sick, hateful violence to brave, loving care?  That New Yorkers, when tragedy hits, aren’t such rude dirt […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[45,25,50],"class_list":["post-32","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-advice-relationship","tag-dating-tips","tag-ow-to-say-i-love-you"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.000relationships.com\/towomen\/live\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}