Christmas is a time when our emotions are intensified. If we're with a new lover, have a new family, or simply joyous to be reunited with far-flung parents and loved ones, then the holiday season will make our joy even more memorable.
But for those who are lonely, recently widowed or divorced, under financial pressures, or simply stressed, the holidays can intensify those negative emotions until they're unbearable. The holiday blues are exacerbated by the expectations of a Martha Stewart home, peace among relatives, overindulgence, and that "perfect" gift.
It seems that we can be divided into those who have something to celebrate over the holidays and those who dread the long lines, repetitive carols, and false cheer.
If you're single over the holidays, you may be at greater risk of the holiday blues. According to Richard H. Mikesell of the Academy of Family Psychology, as quoted in the New York Times [1]:
"Probably, as a group, the people who do best at Christmas are those with small children, because that's what Christmas is geared up for…. Those who tend to do worse are people who are not in any kind of intimate relationship but desire to be."
If the holiday blues are getting you down this Christmas, here are some ideas:
- Buy gifts that matter. Instead of buying trinkets that will be unwrapped and thrown away again, make a donation to a charity or cause on the giftee's behalf and wrap the certificate in a pretty box or card. When you hear the Salvation Army bell ringers, spare them some change. Make use of the donation boxes at your local grocery store. Doing good this Christmas may just be what your heart needs to feel good.
- Give up the need to have the "perfect" Christmas. As much as it would feel fantastic to host the perfect Christmas party, have the perfect tree, buy the perfect gift for everyone, and get along perfectly well with all your relatives, it's just not possibe. Allow yourself to be imperfect this Christmas. If trying to "do it all" stresses you out, do less. It's much better to enjoy the few things you choose to do than merely survive getting through everything.
- Make a thank-you note to yourself. The holidays are a fantastic time to reflect on the previous year. Rather than judge yourself for what you did and didn't do, avoid the temptation to divide the past year into successes and failures. Instead, take out a pretty piece of stationery and write a thank-you note to yourself. List everything that you'd like to thank yourself for over the past year. You can thank yourself for getting a new job, for making new friends, for learning a new skill, for having the courage to try online dating, even for having the patience not to get upset with your mother as much as you used to. Sign the letter as yourself and store it in a place where you can re-read it as often as you like.
- Exercise discipline when it comes to food, wine, and spending. Don't do anything over the holidays that you'll regret all year long. As tempting as it may be to overindulge in holiday sweets, champagne, and sales, I promise that you'll feel better if you resist. If you're sad, alcohol and an extra slice or two or three of that holiday treat will only make you feel sick the next day.
- Spend some time with the elderly. The elderly are particularly at risk for depression over the holidays, so spare some time to visit elderly relatives or even your local senior center. Their stories might just put your holiday blues into perspective.