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Become a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

posted by amy

Do you think that you're too old for a man to give you a second glance?  Is life wearing you out?  Do you look at yourself in a mirror and only see the wrinkles, the cellulite, the wide hips?

The person you see in the mirror is the self you transmit to the world.

Our attitudes about ourselves are self-fulfilling prophecies.  No matter what the origin – childhood mockery, a parent's well-meaning criticism, a boyfriend's angry dismissal – these attitudes about ourselves are still our choice.  We choose to remember what was said to us or how we looked as teens.  Yet if you took the time to examine those self-beliefs, many of them would no longer be valid.

I can't count how many celebrity interviews I've read where the celeb talks about how he or she was made fun of in school for his or her looks.  Models were mocked for being tall and skinny.  Actresses were tomboys or struggled with losing baby fat.  Our appearance is always changing, and how we look today will not be how we look tomorrow.

Luckily, we have an enormous amount of control over who we see in the mirror.  Remember that what matters is not what's there but what you see.

Here are my top three tips to see a beautiful, sensual, seductive woman looking back at you.

  1. Take the time to look in the mirror and love your face.  Look into your eyes and love the wisdom in there.  Love the body that bears the mark of all your experiences.  If there's part of your body that you're embarrassed about or hate, pour extra love into that part.  Love it until the sight of it pleases you, until you accept it and cherish it as part of yourself.
  2. Wear garments that feel silky against your skin.  Sweaters so soft you want to rub your cheeks against them.  Lovely nighties that cling to your curves.  You'll find that when you wear clothes that feel sensual and good against your skin, you feel more sexy.  One of the worst things we do to ourselves is wear tight clothes that compress our body such that it's difficult to breathe or move.  Stop asking yourself whether a garment looks "sexy" in the mirror and start asking yourself whether it feels sensual to wear.
  3. Spend at least fifteen minutes every day pampering yourself.  No, I'm not talking about your nightly facial or plucking those stray hairs.  I'm talking about silly, unnecessary things like painting your toenails, using the expensive bubble bath just because, or dressing up for an evening in. 

If practiced diligently, these tips will chip away at the perception of yourself as someone unattractive, dowdy, or plain.  You'll reawaken the feeling of being beautiful and sensual without needing a man to tell you it.

And best of all, you'll find that the wonderful feelings you've awakened about yourself are reflected in how others see you.  Friends will ask you your secret.  Compliments will pour in your direction.

Your sense of beauty will have become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

9 Comments

Comment by jill

October 18, 2006 @ 1:22 pm

thank you Amy!! as a 50 something woman I think that is excellent advise. I love the way you think and appreciate the generous spirit with which you share your wisdom through the newsletters. I look forward to each one and read them over often to remind myself of some very valuable lessons learnt, thanks sooo much God bless .xxx

Comment by shis

October 18, 2006 @ 4:09 pm

Dear Amy,

First of all, thank you so much for this article. I am just 26 and started to think that i have lost my charming and now nothing special left on me… When i read your article it changed my thinking… a positive thinking about myself i have feel. Thank you once again making me a positive thinker.

Comment by Patty Pereira

October 18, 2006 @ 5:25 pm

I am 30, but I feel like 15!!

Age is just a stage of mind!!! If you love yourself then you;ll transmit it to everyone and you’ll find yourserf making a lot of friends…

That’s what I am doing and hopefully later I will find my true love!!! Still looking!!! 🙂

so remember:

“Youth is just a stage of mind!!!”

Comment by Cathy

October 18, 2006 @ 6:00 pm

Those 3 tips are very good. However,you wrote “We choose to remember what was said to us or how we looked as teens.” I looked great as a teen, compared to how I look now. Teens can be incredibly cruel and made me feel relatively (compared to them) ugly anyway, but if I could feel half as pretty now as I did then, it would be an improvement. Too bad the self-belief is no longer valid.
Anyway, the overall message that self-confidence is sexy is a very good thing to focus on.

Comment by Jen Schmitt

October 18, 2006 @ 11:50 pm

Hi Amy,
I just wanted to say that I’m glad I’m not the only one who looks in the mirror and is disgusted half the time with her appearance! It’s so hard sometimes to look past the cruel jokes and teasing you went through as a kid. I’m 30 and I use to think I was so ugly, but over the years I’ve lost some weight and my face has filled out, and I actually see a pretty face in the mirror. It helped that I changed my way of thinking just so I could see the pretty girl in the mirror. I’m not having any luck in the body department though, so I guess it’s the next thing I have to work on! But you’re right, if you’re thoughts make you feel ugly, then that’s how you see yourself and that’s what everyone else sees too. A positive thing I did to start my change was I went and got professional pictures done and wow do I look good! That girl wouldn’t have come out otherwise. Your thinking changes a lot as you get older and helps to make more positive changes in your life. You don’t have to be that miserably teased girl in high school anymore, it was never you to start with, it was just other kids views of you and you can be whoever you want now their rules don’t apply! 😉

Thanks
Jen

Comment by Coco Jones

October 19, 2006 @ 12:58 am

I totally agree with you. Great article.

Comment by jennifer spase

October 19, 2006 @ 4:11 am

I want to learn to invent ways to keep the relat
ionship interesting like try interesting experimental things. I did some things for fun and try to arouse my partner emotionally who is not sexually interested in me at this time and I want to
work on that.
Problem is my husband had an affair and i don’t understand his behavior.I wonder if it is cause I’m not as sexy.
This is very hard to work with and takes a big mind frame to over come obstacles.I have not been able to have much sex with this man who says he still loves me. I think he does love me cause I made myself more sexier and been more conscientious about making an e
ffort of it after twenty yrs of marraige and three kids.
I’m a military wife and like many risk losing a man through a mistress during deployment!It is like wake up and make all the effort to turn this man on to you. Well that part is working.It is a start.
I’m one of those who have not been able to take things to the next level with my man no matter how good I been to him.
I’m afraid victoria secret is not going to work when I’m flat chested.I’m a pretty face and sexy from the waist below.I shaved my private part
bald and smooth feeling lighter and a different change or appearance. Never thought this could be sexy as I don’t normally think how to turn a guy on.
I can get this guy to look and grin but not touch.
I never worked on my relationship because I never really was social but considered smart enough to know how instinctively when my reltionship gets into a problem.
Trying to get my sexuality noticed is the thing
from hair cuts to apparrel, cosmetics, and other things to pamper myself like good smelling aroma baths.
The thing is what if I can’t turn this man on cause I’m not double d like his former girlfriend godess.I know this family is more important to my husband to choose me.I never thought I could be jealous of another woman taking my husband away and all the dreams that go with it. Trying to keep your man who cheated is hard but important to work on.
You have to teach him to love you.This takes alot of confidence but a woman must do it with charm and grace.

Comment by selva

October 19, 2006 @ 4:47 am

Thank you for your advice. I love how great it is. I go through this pampering periods to feel special and than think to myself why do i do this? I feel i don’t deserve it because i don’t work hard enough? I contradict myself. I heard an elastic band on your wrist can help you throw those negative thoughts away. As humans we tend to stay away from pain. As soon as you hear yourself say something negative SNAP yourself so you don’t do it anymore. Acknoledge those negative feelings and STOP them. Of course this is a process give yourself time.
I am certainly working on it. Even though i am on my twenties, smart and beutiful i fulfill my thoughts with negative thought that stop me from accomplishing new things and relationships. Oh… i do get dates but with my atittude they don’t stay around for long. I know it’s my atittude.

Comment by Maggie Schneider

October 27, 2006 @ 8:00 pm

Thank you so much Amy, I shall look in the mirror and see what I need to accept of my reflection. I am hard on myself. I will try to see the youth that I missed while I was growing older and supposidly, wiser. After having 8 children in six pregnancies I realize that I missed alot. Love all the letters I receive from you…..keep up the GOOD WORK!!!
Maggie

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