Today is the fifth anniversary of September 11. It's a date that needs no identification. Like the assassination of President Kennedy, it has marked a generation and defined the young 21st century.
It goes without saying that today should be a day of remembrance. As you go about your day – getting breakfast made, commuting to work, picking up the kids from school – I hope you find time for a moment of silence.
Even as all of us search for love, it's important to remember that all we have in life is the present moment. Even as you search for Mr. Right, life holds no guarantee that you'll be able to keep him forever.
If you have a man in your life right now, enjoy him. Enjoy every evening you spend together. Enjoy the silly conversations and the easy way you share the details of your day. In the midst of reminding him to get the groceries or arranging your weekend plans, give him a hug and thank him for being in your life. You're lucky to have him, just as he's lucky to have you.
There's a fantastic story in the New York Metro about the 9/11 widows and how they've accepted the challenge of moving on with their lives. For those of us who've had to confront life after the loss of a partner – whether through death, divorce, or a breakup – the widows' grief reminds us of the stages of grieving and the mental tricks the mind will play to keep from having to confront the ugly reality of life without our beloved. The way the widows came together to support one another in groups like the GW ("Grieving Widows") reminds us how deeply we can rely on our female friends and family members to understand what we're going through and offer us their ears to listen and shoulders to lean on. And the widows' resilience as they began laughing again, vacationing again, and – yes- dating and loving again, reminds us that we don't have to carry our grief with us forever. Even though you may have loved your previous partner beyond belief, you honor him most by taking that fierce, deep love and sharing it with others.
According to Dr. Judy of the New York Daily News, the meaning of 9/11 is greater than tragedy: it's also about reminding ourselves what's important and finding new resolve to connect with our loved ones. She believes that, "like a wedding anniversary, birth of a child or death of a loved one, September 11 is a 'marker' date that can serve as a turning point to turn your life – and your relationship – around."
Life is too precious – as is love – to live each day on autopilot, repeating the same old patterns and having the same old arguments.
If you're seeking a way to honor those who died in 9/11 in a way that reflects the lessons learned in the five years since it happened, then might I suggest that you think of one person in your life whom you've been unable to forgive, and give them a call?
Forgiveness frees us. In forgiveness, you let go of the baggage that keeps poisoning the present. Forgiveness – of ourselves as well as others – allows us to move on.
And that, ultimately, is the best way to honor the dead: to appreciate, respect, and honor the gift of life.