I've been looking for a new place to move. A week ago I thought I had found the perfect place on paper, a amazingly-priced apartment right in the heart of the city next to the gardens, only to walk through it and discover that it was cold, dank, and had paint peeling off the walls.
Then, towards the end of the week, I found an ad for another fantastic-sounding place. A friend and I drove past to check it out, and he recognized the apartment. He'd spent quite a bit of time there with a former fling. It was incredible, he told me. Huge, sunny, recently painted, with a marble fireplace. I wouldn't find a better deal in the entire city. He even drew me a map of the floor layout. I had to take it.
"Don't get me too excited!" I told him, laughing. "I don't want to get my hopes up." I called the rental management agency and made an appointment the following Monday to see it. For the rest of the afternoon, my friend gushed about the apartment, how it would be perfect for me, how he could see me living there, how he'd help me move.
Monday came around. I hadn't been able to sleep the night before, and my friend was more excited than I was. Then, early that afternoon, the rental agent called up.
"I have bad news. The current tenant has decided not to leave."
And that was that.
What does this have to do with relationships?
Not much, at first glance. It has more to do with how we act when we don't get what we want.
When we decide we want something – a boyfriend, a new apartment, a new job – we feel so excited. We embark on the hunt with energy and enthusiasm. We pursue all leads, we don't dismiss any possibility out of hand, and we solicit other people's advice. We're fired up with the vision of getting our dream.
But then one promising lead after another pans out. We get our hopes up about a particular man/house/job, and then get our hopes dashed again. Friends aren't much help with their reassurances. "That's such a shame; that would have been perfect for you." "Keep trying." "Things will get better."
What happens? We fall back into the trap of feeling bitter, or feeling like it will never happen for us, or feeling like we're destined for the doldrums. Everyone else seems to get what they want with a modicum of effort; why not us? Maybe we're just unlucky. Maybe the universe has something against us.
And then we stop looking … or we look out of a sense of duty, without any real sense that we'll find something.
People who are truly successful in life know one thing to be true: when life knocks you down, get up again. That's all there is to it.
If you've been looking for a relationship, or for some highly anticipated change in your life that doesn't seem to be materializing, remember that each missed opportunity doesn't doom your search to failure.
So what if you found a guy that seemed to be great but ended up having some major flaws? At least you know what to avoid next time!
So what if you found what appeared to be "the perfect guy" and he wasn't interested? At least you know guys like him are out there!
I have to admit … I did feel really discouraged yesterday. I'd allowed my imagination to run wild about what I would do if I got the apartment before I actually got it.
But now I know better. I know that apartments like that are out there. Now, I just have to find one for myself.