Whenever I write emails, I love to glance at the ads that appear to the right of my messages. Gmail tries to tailor the ads to the message, and some of its choices can be absolutely hilarious. For example, a friend's message to arrange for a coffee date resulted in an ad for "Thai Wrap Around Pants."
This morning, one ad caught my eye. It was for Love Tactics [1]. Always keen to learn more about love, I clicked on the ad to check out the website.
At first glance, www.lovetactics.com [2] looked fascinating, a multimedia spin on dating and relationships advice. A virtual host, played by game show host Chuck Woolery, leads you through dating and advice tips.
The Love Tactics system is based on Four Behavioral Principles, among which are #2 -"People are most attracted to those who exhibit some degree of aloofness and emotional independence" and #3 – "People want what they can't have."
Once upon a time, I would have thought, "Oh, that's probably true," and kept on reading. Now, red warning sirens went off in my brain.
This has nothing to do with love.
It has everything to do with game-playing.
I listened to one of the sample lessons on Love Tactic #37: "Create Competition." It's the technique that every teenager has put to use: make sure that your boyfriend knows that other guys are hot on your tracks, and he'll do everything in his power to make sure that you remain his possession.
That sounds just great, I thought. The kind of guy who'll respond best to that tactic is a naturally jealous one.
I don't want to have to think that the only reason my guy is staying with me is because he sees the competition and wants to be the one with the status of "owning" me.
I've been the trophy girlfriend before, and it was an uncomfortable experience. I didn't know whether he was with me because he enjoyed my company or because being seen with me boosted his self-esteem.
When you play aloof and hard to get, you present yourself as a trophy to be awarded to the guy who plays the courtship game the best. Men are naturally competitive; they love boasting about being the guy who got the girl.
But have you seen what happens to trophies after they're won? They're lovingly polished for the first few weeks, shown to friends and family, boasted about … and ultimately they end up in a box in the closet, jumbled with other faded ribbons and medals.
I don't know about you, but I want a real, genuine man with the capacity and generosity of heart to love the real, genuine me. The kind of man who doesn't abandon his toys once he's played with them a few weeks. The kind of man who is over self-indulgence and competing with other boys for the prize of the prettiest girl.
I don't want the kind of guy who'll respond to Love Tactics [2]. I know that the tactics work … but they'll win me an immature relationship with a competitive, status-oriented man. Huh-uh. No thanks.
If you're a mature woman who wants real love in a respectful, nurturing relationship, please don't play games. You don't need tactics.
What you need is to break through the mental barriers that are closing you off to love. The barriers that say, "All men are jerks" … or "He can't possibly be interested in me" … or "Men are just after sex" … or "I don't need anyone."
Simply through learning how to live in a more loving way, you will attract men to you who have the most open, amazing, genuine hearts … and who want nothing more than to be with the real you.
That's what our 2006 Edition of How to Be Irresistible to Men (soon to be released! will keep you posted) is all about.