By now, most of you know that my colleague Sarah Paul (author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men") is having a baby! We've known in the office for quite some time. 🙂 She's just been glowing. This is definitely where she's wanted to be in her life, and I know that she and Jason are going to be fantastic parents.
Many of my friends have been having babies recently. It's that time in people's lives. Five years ago, everyone was getting married except for me. I was too busy traveling the world, having adventures, meeting tons of fantastic men, and enjoying every minute of it. I didn't want to settle down; I had too much to do and see!
Now, I've finally reached the stage in my life where settling down appeals to me. I've done most of what I wanted to do in my life, seen most of the places I've wanted to see, and staying in one place doesn't sound too shabby at all!
I'm not yet at the stage where Sarah's at. She's been so happy with Jason that having a baby is the natural next step in her life. All the inconveniences of being pregnant — who ever thought that buttoning up a winter coat could be such a chore! — are simply amusing events that she laughs off. She keeps focused on the future.
The one part of it that saddens me — a purely selfish sorrow — is that when Sarah and Jason become new parents, they won't have time to do all the things we used to do together. I'm not the only single woman who finds that as her friends have children, social events become less and less frequent. Children change everything. For my married friends, their lives are richer. For me, I feel a small sense of loss for the time that we'll no longer spend together.
I went to a barbecue recently with another single friend. We sat in the garden with paper plates balanced on our knees and watched as kids played recklessly with cardboard boxes, sitting in them, putting them over their heads, and falling over them. Parents kept an eye out from the porch to make sure that no one hurt themselves.
Every so often some of the parents would detach themselves and come talk to us, shaking their heads in amusement. I think they envied what they saw as our single, carefree lifestyle. But as my friend said, "They've got the real prize. They have partners who love them and children they love. What they see in us is a false memory of their single days, without any of the loneliness or wasted nights in bars hoping to meet someone."
It is difficult being single and getting older … watching your friends marry, then have children. But there's nothing wrong with being different from everyone else. A male friend told me recently, "All of my friends are getting married. I'm dating this girl that I really like, and I know that she wants to get married. But I'm not ready yet. Am I just being selfish? Maybe I should just take the plunge and do 'the responsible thing.' But then what if I regret it later?"
I hope that no matter where you are in life, love and romance isn't on your agenda simply because all of your friends have boyfriends, partners, or husbands. Pressuring yourself to get married by a certain age or to have children by a certain age can cause havoc with your love life. Give yourself a break and believe that the universe has great things in store for you. There are so many men out there right now who will make great friends, even if they don't end up as boyfriends, so get out there and meet them for the pure joy of it, not because you expect something.
As for me, I know that Sarah's life is beautiful and perfect just as it is .. and so is my life. We're both exactly where we're supposed to be.