I've been going on a slew of blind dates from an online dating site recently. It seems that every profile I put up attracts a different sort of person. My last profile seemed to attract young, intense, focused entrepreneurs. My current profile appears to have attracted intelligent artistic men.
It's strange how a online dating profile, like a resume, can highlight different aspects of yourself, each attractive to a different sort of guy. My early efforts into online dating attracted a lot of immature young partiers. I wasted hours chatting to men who lived so far away that we would never meet, and I spent ages composing carefully polite responses to men that I knew I'd never want to date.
Although I know much more than I did back then, my online dating efforts seem to follow the same pattern: I put up a profile, chat with a dozen or so guys, meet half of them, then end up with one really cool friend/romantic interest with whom I end up hanging out constantly for the next six months.
I tend to get discouraged with online dating sites. It's like the old adage: "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink." There are so many men online, but finding someone you click with is hit or miss. The effort involved in answering emails and sorting through "winks" can become too much when coupled with work and social activities. After a month online, I end up removing my profile and spending more time on me rather than dating.
The great thing with taking a break from online dating is that when you get back into it, you have fresh enthusiasm. I recreate my profile from scratch every time, with different photos, so that I can meet different sorts of people. My most successful profile was when I was moving to a new country and men lined up to show me around.
Why was that particular profile so successful? I think it was because men had a reason to meet me that wasn't to suss out the romantic possibilities. Even if they weren't particularly attracted to me, they felt a friendly obligation to welcome me to the area and did it with pleasure.
And when romance happened, it struck without warning. A friendly fellow thought that it would be a laugh to meet this traveler for a drink and a chat, and the attraction was immediate. We ended up having a wonderful six-month relationship.
So what does that suggest about online dating? That perhaps a better approach to meeting than the first casual coffee date is to meet one another for a reason. Maybe he is into kayaking, and you'd like to learn. Maybe your favorite museum has a new exhibit, and he doesn't know much about art.
When one of you has something to share, and the other one is willing to learn, then a friendly ground is established that promises that the date will be a positive experience with no pressure.
I am always wary of online profiles that state that Bachelor or Bachelorette X is seeking for their soulmate. We're ALL looking for our soulmate. But I don't want to meet a possible online match knowing that I'm going to be immediately rejected if I don't fit his vision of the perfect mate.
I think that men feel this way, too. Men will want to meet you if they think from your profile that they're going to have a great time chatting with you. If they sense that your only purpose in being online is to find the guy of your dreams, then they may not want to put themselves up for rejection.
At any rate, I've had a couple of nice chats with lovely men. No sparks yet, but I don't have any expectations. I'm simply enjoying the experience of dating.