A friend recently sent me five simple rules to be happy, and I found them so beautiful that I wanted to share them with you.
- Free your heart from hatred.
- Free your mind from worries.
- Live simply.
- Give more.
- Expect less.
Although these five rules are simple, they can be so difficult to practice. Take the first rule: to free your heart from hatred.
It can be so hard to release the angry feelings we have when someone we've cared about treats us badly or rejects us rudely. I know so many women who hang on to angry feelings about their ex-partners. Every time dates are discussed, the old stories are brought out: reasons not to trust men, the shortcomings all men have, and why being single is better than risking getting hurt again.
By being unable to forgive and let go, these women end up blaming or being suspicious of all men. In their hearts, they've judged the male race and found them guilty. Yet buried beneath that hatred is a part of them that wishes their judgment wasn't true: a part of them that longs for harmony and intimacy.
Alison Armstrong from PAX Programs teaches a seminar called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women [1]. In the seminars, women are asked to make a vow. No more men-bashing. No more generalizing about all men on the basis of a few individuals. No more making sweeping assumptions about "all men." No more treating men as the enemy.
A friend of mine who frequently attends the PAX seminars told me that the vow is oddly liberating, yet challenging. She said that she never realized until that day how often she spoke negatively about men.
Think about it. How often have you said one of the following?
"Men don't have a clue what we women do for them."
"Women have to do everything for men; they're incapable of taking care of themselves."
"All men want is sex."
"Guys are just looking for a good time; they don't care about who they hurt in the process."
"Men are so stupid sometimes."
"Why can't men be more like women?"
When you prepare your heart for happiness, the first step you need to take is to free your heart of all lingering negativity towards men.
Forgive your exes. No matter what they did to you, it is in the past. Don't allow them to continue to damage your life by leaving you with a lingering suspicion or distrust of men. Realize that your exes were simply human; like all humans, men and women alike, they made mistakes. Forgive them and let it go.
Consider attending one of Alison Armstrong's seminars. If you can't attend, then at the very least make a promise to yourself: you will stop men-bashing. Even if a group of your female friends start talking about the 101 ways in which men fall short of perfection, make a vow to yourself that you won't join in. Men aren't perfect, but neither are women.
As you learn to enjoy the company of men, appreciating the ways in which they are different from women, not holding a grudge against any man, you'll find that something incredible happens. Men will start seeking out your company. You'll find strange men striking up conversations with you. Men can tell when they're in the presence of a woman who loves and appreciates men. In fact, it's one of the most attractive traits women can have.
And if it makes you happier, why not give it a try?