Like most women, I always thought that becoming more attractive to men was about improving my appearance. As a teenager I was desperate to lose weight, get the perfect haircut, and wear the styles in the latest magazines. I wanted boys to pay attention to me, and I knew that the girls to whom they DID pay attention had obvious physical assets. It wasn't about being smart or interesting or nice: it was about looks.
What I didn't know then is that most boys grow up. The hormone-driven stage of youth, made anxious by popularity and social validation, creates entirely different creatures than the mature workplace of later years.
Luckily for women, most men seek entirely different characteristics than boys. They learn to appreciate emotional warmth, depth, and generous loving. Although they still turn their heads to watch beautiful women pass, they're mature enough to appreciate a beautiful form without having to possess it.
Not all men grow up, of course. 😉 We all know playboys at the age of 40 who haven't yet learned the pleasure of settling down with one woman. Those men still tend to be attracted to looks, seeking out what is new, different, and unobtainable.
Yet instead of realizing that immature men are the exception, not the rule, many of us women remain stuck in the high school mentality, believing that ALL men—not just the immature ones—seek nothing more than a pretty face. We believe that we must dress sexy, look sexy, and act sexy for men to feel attracted to us. And when our bodies rebel (as not all of us were made to look like models) we bury our heads in despair. We think that we'll never be able to attract men.
Guess what? The good news is that although you may be unable to attract immature men (who are focused on superficial appearances above all things) you may be just what a mature man is looking for.
Mature men seek women who are fun to be with, around whom they feel they can be themselves. The mature man realizes that if he is going to spend the rest of his life with a woman, he needs to have more discerning criteria than good looks. A woman who is in touch with her body, even though it isn't perfect, is preferable to a woman who goes into hysterics if her hair or clothes aren't perfect. A woman who is uninhibited, passionate, and loves life is preferable to an aloof, cool woman who lives life on display.
For the man who looks beneath the surface, a woman is an entire package: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. He must fall in love with all of those parts before he'll invite her to spend a lifetime with him. What this means for us is that developing ourselves mentally, spiritually, and emotionally is just as important as perfecting our appearance. What we look like is just a quarter of the entire package.
Best of all, if you start focusing on developing yourself spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, you'll find that you reap enormous personal benefits. Your life will be happier. You'll feel more content. You may even find that male attention seems less important to you.
So the next time that you feel overlooked because of your appearance, or you're having an "ugly" day, just put on your most beautiful smile and realize that the only men who'll be ignoring you are the ones you don't want anyway.