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you'll learn what it takes to have an identity
women love: how to manage your attitudes, expectations,
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expert Amy Waterman, as we discuss life purpose
and other important aspects of inner game.
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Take the Short Cut! Transcript of Today's Lesson
James: Welcome back to the How to be Irresistible to Women Newsletter Series, your source for tips and techniques to make you irresistible to women. I’m James, and I’m irresistible to women. Now it’s your turn!
Today’s topic is Identity - Who You Are Is Who You Get. And I’ll be discussing this with my co-host 000relationship’s female expert, Amy Waterman. So, Amy, how was that blind date last night?
Amy: From the moment we met eyes, we knew it wasn’t going to work. But, as you do, we sat there, had a really nice chat for half an hour, and said goodbye, made no promises. Don’t think we’ll see each other again.
James: So it’s probably better to remain blind than to see what you’ve got?
Amy: What’s funny is that you were talking a while back about how women judge men in the first three seconds. And it was funny, he was reading his newspaper, he looked up, saw me, I saw him, he went back and looked at his newspaper again. I thought, “That’s it. Nope. This is not gonna be working tonight.” So it is quite interesting how it is the first three seconds that make all the difference.
James: Love at first sight, or you just know it’s not gonna work at first sight.
Amy: Yes. I’m not sure about the love at first sight, but I do believe in rejection at first sight.
James: So let’s get to today’s lesson. Who you are equals who you get. In today’s exclusive audio article, we’ll be discussing what makes a successful pickup artist. How who he is inside determines how many girls he gets outside.
What kind of mindset should you have when you go to a bar or a party? What kind of attitude do you want to bring to the table and to the bedroom? What should be your approach not only to the pickup scene but also to life? You’ll get answers to these questions and more as Amy and I view three topics: attitude, negative thoughts/negative results, high expectation/low results, and finding your purpose.
So let me tell you the story of this cousin I’ve got, Alex. Alex isn’t a bad looking guy. In fact, he’s pretty tall and has a decent build. He’s also pretty intelligent, knows quite a lot of stuff. But, man, when it comes to girls, nobody wants to be around him. You know why? Because he’s a grouch. He always sees the glass as half empty and approaches life as if it’s burden, not a joy. Just being around him is depressing and sinks everybody else to a miserable place. Amy, for a nice looking girl like yourself, what is it like to be around a guy like Alex?
Amy: It’s absolutely miserable. I am the sort of girl that when I’m with a guy, I want to have fun. And if he’s having fun, I want to be with him even more, because I know I’m just going to be along for the ride.
But if a guy is sending out this negative energy, and he’s frowning - or else if he’s trying so hard to be cool that he looks boring - I don’t want to pick up his energy. I want to go around some guy who’s going to be having a good time.
James: That’s right. If you have negative thoughts, you’re going to have negative results. Girls just know this. It’s just instinctual. They know that if you have a negative vibe, you give off this vibe. They’re going to pick it up, aren’t they, Amy?
Amy: Definitely. Remember, we women have x-ray vision. We can see through your skull into your thoughts, thoughts that you may not even realize you’re thinking.
James: That’s right, and if you want to see through women, you’re going to have to bring a positive attitude to the table.
Now a successful pickup artist and people in general do bring a positive attitude to the table. No matter how miserable they’re feeling, no matter how much they may not even want to be there, these guys make people feel good around them. Unlike Alex, they don’t want people to jump out a ten-story window rather than listening to them moan. In fact, they make people feel like there’s nowhere better to be than right here right now.
So, Amy, we talked before about how negative thoughts equal negative results. Clearly, you have to bring a positive attitude to the table if you want o achieve anything with girls and anything with life. Now I’d like to talk about another area of attitude that too many guys mess up. Expectations.
I just know too many guys who get all dressed up, pre-game with their friends, feel all high and mighty, just expect this blond bombshell to walk right into their lives. And, nope, things don’t go their way. In fact, it’s a miserable night. The truth is the higher expectations you have, the lower the chance you have of fulfilling them. So what are your thoughts on this, margarita maid?
Amy: One of the things I notice guys do all the time is psyching themselves out. If you have really high expectations, and especially if you’ve told all your buddies, “Oh, I’m gonna get a real hot chick tonight,” then you go to the bar and you don’t see one, you feel like a fool.
Or else then you go out and you think, “Oh, God, I’ve got to pick up tonight because I told the guys I would.” And you go out, you put performance pressure on yourself. You just collapse. Guys don’t psych yourselves out. Don’t have expectations.
James: That’s right. Don’t have expectations. If you go in there just don’t care. Whatever happens, happens. If nothing happens, that’s great. Hey, something just may happen. I mean, Amy, you’ve talked at the Erotica Expo in Christchurch , New Zealand . And you’ve talked to women, you’ve talked to guys, and you’ve told them both, “Don’t have expectations. “
Amy: Absolutely not.
James: For the woman, don’t expect love to fall into your lap. Don’t push for it.
Amy: It’s so true. With women, it’s even worse, because, of course, women have fantasies. They say, “That handsome guy across the room is going to be my prince charming. He’s going to sweep me away to his castle. We’re going to get married and live happily ever after.”
And you know what? He runs in the opposite direction because he can feel her expectations latch on.
You don’t realize your expectations not only psych you out, [but] they freak out the other person, because they can sense when you’re expecting them to be somebody better than they are [or] whether you’re expecting them to jump into bed. They can sense that. And that freaks them out.
James: Guys, we’ve talked about my fundamental principal: Always Be in Control, ABC. And when you do have expectations, contrary to what people may think, you’re not in control. You don’t have control. You just expect things to go your way, and women feel that. They know that you’re some insecure guy who just needs things to just happen the way they want. You don’t have that relaxed, calming effect. Whatever happens, happens. And that’s what you’ve got to bring to the table.
Now I’d like to talk a little bit about life purpose. I know this guy, Tom, who’s just got it all together, not just with girls, but with life. Tom knows what he wants. Everything is tied to Tom’s goal in life, which is to become the best salesman on the planet. It all fits into his life purpose, his habits, his hobbies, his friends, his work, even his girls. Amy, please tell our listeners what is it like from a female perspective to just see and meet a guy who’s got it all together?
Amy: I think it would be the rarest circumstance in the world. It is funny: I used to go sit in bars and observe and write notes about people. And one of the things that always struck me is how few guys walked into the bars I was observing with any sort of purpose or direction or confidence. Mostly, I saw shy guys who weren’t sure what was going to happen. They’re hiding behind their beer. And I thought, “Give me a break.” I want to see a man who knows who he is. He’d get any woman he wanted.
James: That’s right. I mean, guys, when we’re talking about “direction,” we’re not talking about making a zip line for the girls at the table. We’re not talking about that kind of direction. The direction we’re talking about is knowing what you want in life. And if you don’t know it, that’s cool. And, in fact, if you do know it and you want to change it, that’s cool as well. Just know what you like. Know what moves you. Have a passion. Amy, you have many passions, don’t you?
Amy: More than I need, I think.
James: Well, you have that passionfruit margarita sitting there, but I don’t think that counts.
Amy: Oh, no, not supposed to mention that, actually.
James: So let’s talk about guys who don’t have it together for a minute. Let’s talk about someone who just drifts through life, never knowing what moves him, what makes his purpose in life. Just like the guys who bring down everyone with their negative attitude, these guys affect others when they jump from ship to ship and usually sink along the way. What can you tell our listeners about this, Amy?
Amy: One of the things guys need to realize about women is women are fascinated by this notion: the future. When a woman meets a man, she’s automatically envisioning – sorry, guys - having kids with him, their little house on a hill. So when a man has a direction, he has a future. And she can see herself going there with him. She wants to be along.
But when a guy is wishy washy, he’s going one way or the other, he doesn’t know who he is, she doesn’t think he has future. She doesn’t want to tie herself to that guy. So she’s off. She doesn’t want to know another thing about him.
James: That’s right. I can speak from experience. When I knew what I wanted, when I knew that I wanted my girlfriend to be part of my life, she wanted that, too. She knew my purpose was her. That my purpose was to travel around the world and give these talks and, when she sees my direction, she wants to go the same path as me.
Amy: That’s fantastic.
James: Now I’m sure many of you have read some books on picking up, The Game, The Art of the Approach, great books, all, but if you really want to expand your outside game, you’ve got to start with your inside game.
To really learn about improving your mindset, especially becoming a better man for your woman, I highly recommend you pick up, pun non intended, The Way of a SuperiorMan by David Deida. It’s a fascinating exploration of what makes a real man - not the jock, alpha male type, but the kind that women feel safe, comfortable, and trusting around. It’s a bit New Agey, but just in spite of yourself, you may just be surprised how relevant and helpful it is to your own life.
Now, Amy, you’ve read this book as well. What can you tell our listeners about what makes it particularly relevant to men interested in meeting a woman and maybe having a relationship?
Amy: It talks about one of the things you just talked about, James. It talks about the importance of direction and how, unless a man has a direction, a woman’s not going to be attracted. Why? Well for Deida, having that direction is part of the masculine energy that a guy puts off. Women - especially sexually - what do women want? We immediately go for that masculine energy. It’s not saying we’re going for jocks. It’s saying that what sexually attracts us about a man is the fact that he’s a man.
And so I think Deida gives you men a real good insight about it really means to be a man and how to let that masculine energy loose so that women see it … and they want more of it.
James: Now we talked about life purpose and lack of life purpose. It’s a bit feminine. So what happens when girls just see a guy who’s got a little bit of too much feminine energy?
Amy: Well, I think she’s going think he’s a wonderful guy. The great thing is we all have masculine and feminine energy. We all have a balance of that. We’re going to think he’s a fine guy. He may be our friend, but the thing is, sexually we are attracted to the masculine energy. So if a guy doesn’t go to a bar or go out and get into his masculine energy and say, “This is who I am. Take me or leave me. I’m not going to dance to your hoops because I’m me,” then women are going to think, “Oh my God, this is a man that I want a part of.”
James: That’s right. The interesting thing about life purpose is that’s what should be at the center of your life. At least that’s what Deida says. He says that women aren’t the most important thing. You don’t have to be consumed with women. In fact, if you are, then you’re probably not going to get them. But if you tell them - if you make them know -that your life purpose is paramount, that it’s the most important thing in life, they’re going to be attracted.
Amy: That’s for sure.
James: So you’ve heard Amy and me speak. But what should all you listeners do? You’ve got to examine your own life. Not mine. Not Amy’s. See what attitudes and perceptions you can change about your life.
How do you approach situations? With a positive anything-can-happen, in-love-with-life attitude? Or a negative everything’s-gonna-suck, I-hate-life attitude?
What do you want to do in life? How do your friends, hobbies, and work fit into your life purpose? If you don’t have a direction in life, you should determine what it is. Decide what you like. Decide what you love. Once you know those things, everything in life will fit together. Life will make sense. When you know what direction you want to head in life, girls will know it, too, and go the same way as you.
This concludes today’s edition of 000relationships.com’s exclusive newsletter series. For more information about me, James, visit my website, 000relationships.com/towomen.
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