Welcome to My MiniCourse on Attracting Men!

Hello!

Welcome to Day 1 of the How to Be Irresistible to Men 6-Part MiniCourse. If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of "how to attract men" advice ever crammed into a newsletter course, then read on!

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Day 1 - The Three Stages of Seduction

When you are interested in a man, how do you let him know it? Do you:

a. Dress in your sexiest clothes to attract his attention?
b. Catch his gaze and give him a sultry smile?
c. Ask him out to lunch?
d. Engage him in friendly conversation?

The approach you chose reflects your personality and your intuitive seduction style. Some women believe that men are visual creatures, and the best way to entice them is with eye candy. Other women believe that the eyes are the windows of the soul and that a gaze speaks volumes. Still other women believe in being direct and asking for what they want. Still other women prefer to get to know a man better before making any assumptions about their compatibility.

Just as every woman has a unique seduction style, so every man responds to those signals differently. Not all men find the same techniques attractive. Some men are turned off by a woman who makes the first moves, while others find such directness exciting. Some men find a good conversation more stimulating than surface beauty, while other men will frankly admit that looks are the first thing to catch their eye.

Clearly, the method you use to attract men will determine the kind of man who finds you attractive.

When I first began my investigation into the nature of attraction, I read book after book. I started out with The Rules, Why Men Love Bitches, How to Succeed with Men, How to Have Your Way with Men, and How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You. I moved on to Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps, He’s Just Not That Into You, and How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You. Finally, I reached books like The Real Rules, The FEEL THE FEAR Guide to Lasting Love, and Keeping the Love You Find.

As I read book after book, I began to notice patterns. Light and airy books on attraction seemed designed to attract superficial and easily manipulated men. Well-researched books on understanding members of the opposite sex seemed to reduce romance to mere biology.

When I picked up the last set of books, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Here was an approach to seduction that I’d never imagined. Instead of focusing outward on the process of attraction, these authors (PhDs in psychology) counseled us look inward at our own ability to love. The more we grew in love, they said, the more irresistibly attractive we would become.

Could it be true? Is a warm, loving, ordinary-looking woman more attractive to men than an aloof but gorgeous ice princess? I set out to find the truth.

I sat in bars and talked with men. I went on blind dates and asked them. I interviewed male friends and friends of friends. I emailed female acquaintances far and wide, requesting that they ask the men in their lives for an opinion. I posted the question on bulletin boards across cyberspace.

And what was the answer?

I’d like to say that it was 100% in favor of one or the other. But it wasn’t.

Instead, I discovered something even MORE interesting.

Men who thought of themselves as a bit of a “player” answered that the aloof ice princess was more attractive, because she excited in them the challenge of the chase.

Men who were past that stage and seriously looking for someone answered that the loving woman who was generous with her smile won over the gorgeous ice princess every time.

Once I got over the initial shock, I realized that the response wasn’t that surprising after all.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Like attracts like”? That’s EXACTLY what was happening. We attract people like ourselves.

Women who follow lists of do’s and don’ts in their interactions with men, staying aloof and disinterested no matter how high her interest in a man, will attract men who admire such skill in playing the game. These men are turned on by the competition of conquering the least available woman. In other words, a man looking for a conquest will seek a woman who presents herself as a prize to be conquered.

Using the same principle, we can see why mature men (who no longer have time to pretend to be someone they’re not) appreciate being with genuine, honest, loving women who don’t play games, either. A man looking for love will seek a woman who gives her love freely.

Does that make sense from your experiences?

It certainly makes sense from mine.

Haven’t you heard the story about the stereotypical 40-something bachelor with the big house and boat who always seems to go for the beautiful blonde with couture clothes? Once he gets the woman, they can’t live with or without one another, so the relationship crashes and burns, making him even more bitter and determined to remain single.

Then there are the equally common stories of the nice guy from school marrying the nice girl, and both of them living happily ever after.

Wherever I look, I see people marrying who are on the same level. I see gorgeous people who put great pride in their appearance pairing off with people who are equally gorgeous. I see spiritual people pairing off with other spiritual people, partying types pairing off with other partying types. We attract who we are.

What does this mean for you?

It means that attracting the RIGHT man is a matter of developing yourself in the RIGHT direction.

Dr. Barbara De Angelis, psychologist and relationship expert, comes to a similar conclusion in her book, The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You (Dell Publishing: 1997). She supports the concept that women who act like trophies attract men who seek conquests, while women who act loving attract men who want to love.

De Angelis distinguishes between what she calls “Old Rules Men” and “Real Rules Men.” Old Rules Men love the excitement of the chase, think that women should act like women so that men can act like men, and are turned on by looks over personality. They are turned on by women who act indifferent, hard to get, and mysterious.

Yet these same behaviors repel the Real Rules Men, who want women who are genuinely interesting and interested, who spontaneously and generously express emotion, and who allow him to be himself. These women are not attractive at all to Old Rules Men, because they’re not playing games.

The world of love is just. Everyone gets the partner they deserve.

Barbara De Angelis’ book is a good antidote to that other perennial bestseller, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (Warner Books: 1995). Fein and Schneider promote a traditional view of femininity in which the woman never makes the first move: she doesn’t talk to a man first, doesn’t ask him to dance, doesn’t pay for dinner, doesn’t call him, doesn’t return his calls, doesn’t tell him what to do, doesn’t take the lead, doesn’t open up too fast….

The attraction of The Rules is that it seems so easy. All we have to do is follow these 35 Rules (which don’t actually require us to DO anything), and we can sit back passively and watch our Prince Charming do all the work.

I know that many of us have been tempted to play by The Rules when our previous dating techniques haven’t worked. And many times it DOES seem to work. Men DO pay us more attention. We get more compliments and more men competing for our attention.

But even the authors of The Rules themselves admit that these behaviors aren’t healthy. They warn women against discussing The Rules with their counselors or psychologists, admitting that “Some therapists will think that The Rules are dishonest and manipulative” (p. 144).

Do you really want to practice bad relationship habits JUST to get a man?

You’re better than that. You can play The Rules now and get tons of male attention from the kind of guys who respond to the thrill of the chase. Or you can start developing your ability to love, be genuine, and live in the moment … and attract the kind of man whose strength of love and heart matches your own.

You see, when you play games like The Rules, you are no longer attracting the kind of men who would willingly fall in love with the REAL you.

I can’t say it any better than Barbara De Angelis, when she says:

"Just because he wants you doesn’t mean he loves you." (p. 41)

It’s a sobering thought. It is much easier and much more fun to play seductively with men and excite them to the pursuit. It is much harder … but more real … to let men see the honest, genuine YOU beneath your exterior. Rejection hurts much more when a man has seen who you truly are than when he’s only rejected your “game face.”

Nevertheless, if what you want is TRUE LOVE, playing it real is the only option you can afford to take.

So let’s step back and take a look at the three options available to you as a student of the art of seduction.

1. Play games with men (e.g., The Rules).
2. Educate yourself (e.g., Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus).
3. Transform yourself (e.g., The FEEL THE FEAR Guide to Lasting Love).

I believe that all of us pass through these stages as we grow in maturity and love. THE RULES may be silly and immature, but they’re valuable training ground as we start out learning how to act around men.

If you think about it, didn’t you play some version of The Rules when you were in high school? It’s all about who likes whom, the note slipped into someone’s locker, getting asked to the dance, stolen glances and secret Valentines.

Yet as you grew older, perhaps you came to realize that that there were very real gender differences, that men weren’t actually like women at all in how they thought and acted. Perhaps you read a book similar to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus or Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps. You may have felt that the secret to having a better relationship was educating yourself about men so that you could understand them better. This stage is valuable, because in it you learn to appreciate, respect, and celebrate the differences between men and women.

Yet even understanding men is not enough. We can understand a man but still fail to have the kind of relationship we want because we don’t yet understand ourselves.

As we reach our third stage of growth (a stage that will last a lifetime), we realize that any true change has to happen within ourselves. We can’t change men. We can’t change our partner. We can only change how we perceive and respond to life’s events.

Perhaps you have had a failed relationship and realized that its collapse was due to the fact that you never really wholly committed to it. Maybe you were afraid of being too vulnerable or sharing too much. Maybe you held back because you were taught that you should never be dependent on a man or seem to need him too much.

If you have, I congratulate you. You’ve taken the first step on the hard road to self-awareness. Understanding how greatly we hold back in relationships for fear of getting hurt is a necessary part of the journey to unleashing the vast storehouse of love that each of us has inside us.

When you practice the Third Stage of Seduction (Transform Yourself), you will realize the truth of the following statements:

• We do not have power over others; we only have power over ourselves.
• We cannot control whom other people choose to love. We can only control whom we choose to love.
• Our greatest power as women lies in our ability to love freely, openly, and generously—NOT in our ability to be the object of men’s desire.

What is magical about Third Stage Seduction is that it has the greatest power to transform ANY woman—no matter what she looks like, no matter what her age, no matter whether she is divorced or widowed or has children—from being overlooked to being irresistibly attractive.

Remember … First Stage Seduction (Play Games) will teach you how to attract the player, the playboy, or the eternal bachelor, but it won’t teach you how to attract true love from a man who truly sees you for who you are and chooses you because of it.

First Stage Seduction ONLY works on men. Third Stage Seduction works on EVERYONE. You’ll find that everyone you meet feels drawn to you: strangers, children, new acquaintances, even potential employers. Your irresistible attractiveness will be apparent to men and women, young and old alike.

The greatest experts in the field of relationships are unanimous in saying that our efforts to change or influence other people’s behavior are not a fraction as effective as our efforts to change ourselves.

If you want to achieve the relationship of your dreams, learning how to manipulate men is a poor and ineffectual tool.

Believe me when I saw that you have the most POWERFUL tool ever created … in your own heart. When you learn to LOVE openly and give of yourself freely, you will attract wonderful, healthy, loving men.

In order to understand the concepts in this lesson better, I’d like you to try the following exercise.

EXERCISE – Personal Seduction Style

Think back on your last four relationships. (If you don’t have four, then add any flirtations or even platonic male friendships that you may have had.) Answer questions 1 to 5 for EACH relationship, then look over your answers before attempting questions 6 and 7.

REPEAT FOR EACH RELATIONSHIP

1. How did you first meet?

2. What do you think made him feel attracted to you?

3. How did you act in order to encourage his interest in you? (Even if you feel that you didn’t act differently at all, include your normal behaviors that fed his interest, such as having interesting conversations or teaching him something new.)

4. What sort of behaviors did he respond most to? (For example, you may have tried being verbally flirtatious or touching him playfully, but what turned him on the most was the flimsy skirt you wore.)

5. Did you continue these behaviors throughout the duration of the relationship?

FINDING PATTERNS

6. From your answers to the above questions, what adjectives would you use to describe your personal seduction style? Examples include sexy, flirtatious, intense, playful, light-hearted, intellectual, intriguing, physical, warm, aloof, talkative, quiet, shy, worrier, carefree, confident, outgoing.

7. Do you feel that your personal seduction style has worked well for you in attracting the “right” kind of men?

Remember that there are no right or wrong answers with this exercise. It’s simply a tool to increase your awareness of how you typically attract men. Once you can identify and isolate the behaviors and/or techniques that you habitually use to increase attraction, you can decide whether or not they’re actually doing the job.

Got a Question of Your Own?

Did you enjoy your first day of the mini-course? There's so much to think about and discuss. As we come to know ourselves further, we can discover why we're not getting the love we desire. And it is hardly EVER because we aren't "good enough."

The journey to discovering love starts with yourself.

As I take you through this course, you may have lots of questions and want to know more about certain topics. My full "How to Be Irresistible to Men" course goes into all these subjects and much more in further detail! Plus you'll receive Sarah Paul's original "How to Be Irresistible to Men" guide as well as FOUR HOURS of online instant-access video on having healthy relationships and understanding how the push-pull dance of dating can work to your advantage ... or disadvantage. That's not all. You'll also discover how to transform your mindset with the secrets of self-hypnosis, overcome shyness, even gain the body of your dreams!

Best of all, if you have a problem in your own love life and have ordered "How to Be Irresistible to Men", you receive a personal email consultation FREE! Just fill in the Members Consultation form and we will get back to you with recommendations on how to solve it once and for all!

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All the best in life and love!

Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

About "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

"How to Be Irresistible to Men" has been teaching women the way to greater success in love (and life!) for seven years. It is part of the 000Relationships Network, the leader in downloadable dating & relationship products! My customers love the information they get from the "How To Be Irresistible To Men" program, a comprehensive collection of attraction resources that includes my Premium Course, comprehensive supporting workbook, audio series, original e-book, numerous bonus books, and members-only email consultation.

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